I stepped out, met new people, came closer, be friends, fell in love, walked on different paths but some moved on and lots stayed back!!! I am still traveling, meeting new people, being friends but lets not talk about love!!! My journey is a combination of friendship, love and trust as there is no betrayal or broken faith!!
SO Here I am.. Sharing it with you all as there is no perfect life, we have to make it..
"This place is such a mess" I uttered to myself looking and roaming all around in the hostel.
I went to STD booth so thought of whom to call.
Mommy? Naah; Dad? Naah; Bro?? Naah; Bro?? Naah..! Lots of shit going on in my head.
I knew whom I wanted to call but still its was hard for my mind to support the heart in the same way. What if he calls back and warden takes the call? What if she doesn't like it? Its just the second day here, I can not cause any disaster.
Too much pressure I was putting on my mind for no reason.
I promised him I would call him once I reach the hostel. Damn; why didn't Dad give me mobile phone.
All those thoughts crept in my mind what possibly a teen think of before the reality sheds away the clouds of dreams and rosy imaginations.
Meeting all the people around I was back in those walls where I was going to spend at least a year..
Life's crazy. Till the time you realize what you should have done; it goes Fuss like a balloon..! Doesn't it??
I stepped in unwillingly. It was my 1st day at college hostel which I was so excited about few days back but because I couldn't talk to him even once before leaving so was feeling really bad and it was plausible too. I felt so connected to him in last 2-3 months. My felt his existence attached to mine.
Well, Mom Dad had already left after settling me down here. I took a deep breathe standing near the window leaning over the wall. Pretty nice view my room had. Entire college garden I could see from there.
Cell phones were not allowed in the hostel and there were only 3 phone booths on each floor of hostel so getting your number wasn't so easy. I sat on my bed thinking about coming years which I was supposed to spend in this hostel.
"Open" I heard a voice outside my door which broke my thought process. Someone was knocking.
I opened the door to find a really thin short girl standing next to me with a huge bag "Hi, help me. Get my bags inside please." God! She had 3-4 really huge bags. I dragged them in without even saying a word.
"What you so upset about?" She asked. Why do some people irritate you so much. I ignored her and decided to clean my cup board which was tainted badly.
I nodded my head in denial. "Oh, I am sorry" She said with real sadness in her words. I popped my head out of my cupboard and looked at her in amazement.
"You can't speak, right?" It was her time to look amaze.
"Will you shut up?" I said. Some people are always there to make you mood worse.
"Oh, missing your boyfriend already, yeah? Good, I better go get some water. This heat is killing me like anything" and she left the room singing some cheesy song.
"Idiot" I thought. But she left me thinking if he is really so important to me. Is it that boyfriend girl friend thing what people say. Oh, God, help me.
My mind needed some rest more than my body did. thinking about all complication when I slept, I couldn't know.
All packing was done. I was all set to go. Just few more things and everything will be all set.
I was really excited to go to the hostel as it wasn't my school hostel once again. It was college hostel and on the top of everything, new place, new friends, new environment. I wasn't nervous as always. I was really happy.
There was only one thing which was I was worrying about. Due to safety reasons cell phones were not allowed in hostel.
"Damn, now how am I going to call someone and talk? Okay, lets get it straight, The One." I was thinking but could not see any way.
It was been 3 months since we were talking to each other and it was really too less to Judge someone and if I would have, it would have been a mistake.
As soon as the nightfall was approaching, my heart beats increased as I was supposed to travel over night and Mom-Dad were coming with me to set me up at new place.
I was looking at the phone over and over like in every next second.
"Can't he give me a call? Doesn't he know I am leaving today? How am I going to talk to him? What if the system would be so strict and I wont be able to talk to him?" lots of things kept creeping in my mind.
"Are you expecting some call, beta?" It was Dad.
Suddenly I came back in reality. "No, none Dad. I was just thinking if I have noted all the no.'s in my diary." I said smiling.
I hated myself for being such an idiot. Why do I have to act so desperate?
"Why should I only bother? Let it be. Now I also wont call him. Who cares anyways." tough I was feeling really bad but I had no option but to console myself.
"Everything's done? Have you packed your stuff completely?" Mom asked giving me packets of food.
"Yeah." I said.
"What is wrong? Is everything okay? Why you look upset?" Mom was inquiring.
"Haan, No nothing. May be just because I am going to hostel, leaving everythingl here. I'll miss you all." I made a sad face to prove my words even tough it was a white lie.
"Well, as far as I know you, I really don't think you would be upset about it." Mom looked at me having a deep wrinkle in her eyebrows.
I gave her a look which meant "Mom, please don't start."
"No, I am just saying. May be it can happen with you but trust me, its really rare.." She smiled and left to get me more food packets.
I hated him more, because of him I behaved this way to Mom.
Oh!! Again I started thinking about him.
Anyways there was no sign of any call now and I lost all my hope.
It was all done now and we were all set to go.
The bell rang and I almost ran towards the phone. Heights of my bad luck Dad already picked up the call and had cut that off saying "Wrong number".
"Who was it" I asked Dad controlling my breathe so hard.
"Wrong number beta. Some guy was asking about someone named Ankur." He replied leaving me back feeling like smashing the phone on the floor.
It was him. I stood there still looking at the phone.
"Lets Go, Car has come." Dad called to go.
Leaving everything behind I left, to a new place. To get to know what fate has stored for me ahead.
Complete revival of life I was feeling recently. A feeling which I never had experienced before was really strange for me and I really had no one to share or discuss with.
My day used to begin with his thoughts and again I used to wait for the evening to talk to him once. It could be love or infatuation or anything, the thought did not even creep in my mind once.
Days passed and time of departure was coming near. I was admitted in a college out of town and was supposed to move to hostel there really soon. My mind was putting its complete efforts to work something out.
It was been almost 2 months since we were talking to each other. Once we thought of meeting on his birthday but it din't work out somehow.
It was few evenings before I left.
My eyes were tired of looking at the clock but the phone ring wasn't ringing at all.
It rang when I was about to give up.
"Hello" I almost ran and said trying to control my breathe.
"Hey" He sounded quite unlike always.
"How are you?" I asked. I was really running out of words.
"Good. You?" He whispered.
"Fine." I whispered back.
"Must be excited about college and all, yeah?" He asked. I could imagine him smiling.
"Yeah!! Sounds fancy no?" I tried to keep my tone as normal as I could.
"So when are you leaving?" He asked.
"Next weekend. What about you?" I was really feeling weird.
"Not so sure yet. The admission sheet is yet to come" He said and just then my Mom called me to help her out with something.
"Hey, gotta go. Mom's calling." I said almost keeping the phone down.
"Hey, hey, how will I talk to you there. I heard cell phones are not allowed there." He asked instantly.
"Even the thought of leaving is making me feel demise." I wanted to say but "I'll call you from there and give you the no.. Why are you worrying? We'll talk tomorrow then, bye" I said instead, kept phone back and rushed out.
That time I din't know that I wont be able to talk to him for next 6 months otherwise Mom could have waited for some time more.
It was one day or better to say 10 minutes before my 17th birth day. Dad was out of town for his work but Mom and I was at home.
I was waiting for my Mom to go to have bath as she always takes before going in the bed. I was sitting there near the phone which my Mom thought that I must be expecting few 1st wishes from people but the real reason only I knew.
“Why would I actually expect any advance wishes when I wanted someone special to wish me 1st?” I thought even though he was not that special also as I’ve known him only from a week. Well, being a teenage you really don’t think much about pros and cons and priorities get shuffled automatically.
So as soon as my Mom went out I picked up the phone and dialed the no. which I had by heart 1st time in my life. After few rings I heard that sleepy but familiar voice.
“Hello” only I heard and I felt my heart almost in my throat.
“Hi” I could say. “Nothing had ever made me speechless like this than what happens when I talk to him”, I really wondered.
The longing for hearing his voice was really pander but it didn’t even come in my mind that time.
“What made you call me so late in night?” He was still in sleep.
“It’s my birth day today so I wanted you to wish me 1st” and I said it without even caring how dumb I might have sounded. I really forgot all the rehearsal I did to talk to him.
“Oh, Great! Wish you a very happy birth day. God may bless you with everything. Is there anything else too what people normally say?” and he laughed.
“No, thank you so much. We will talk later.” I wanted to put the phone ASAP as my Mom was about to come back anytime.
“What? When?” I heard him saying when I was about to disconnect it.
“Tomorrow may be in evening” I said smiling.
I was smiling even after I kept the phone back. I was too small to understand these feelings kind of things but still the wait for evening and my rehearsal of talking started as soon as I went in my bed, Who cares who else calls to wish now.
Okay!!! I was sitting there in my room near my study table and was looking at the piece of paper that Boy had put in my wallet with his no. on it. I am not going to call him and why should I.
“No, there is no way you are going to call him, Okay?? I tried to convince myself hard.
I was there again, sitting but near the phone table. The boredom overcame my convincing power. I picked up the receiver, dialed the no. but kept back. Again picked up and sat, even forgot the receiver was clutched in my hand
“No, no way. No, this is not happening. God” I sat idle, looking at the phone.
I was bored like hell. No one was home. My younger bro was on vacation at my cousin’s place and Mom-Dad was out of station. I was there with my grand parents and was really bored of playing games or watching TV. It was the long break after high school and before getting into college.
Whatever. Any ways what is really going to happen if even I call? I picked up the receiver and again dialed. It rang on the other side and I kept it back. The ring stopped and so the breathe did.
I stepped back. Oh God, what was happening? I never got so nervous ever before talking to anyone to shiver. I could almost see my hands shivering in the month of May, in those boiling summers.
I reached to fridge for a bottle of water but I almost dropped it hearing the ring of phone.
“It’s him!!! It’s him for sure.” Someone shouted inside me. I gathered all my courage which was left in me and walked up.
“Hello” My sound was almost dead that it wasn’t even audible to me.
“Yes, who’s this?” I heard a sound which was completely breathless. In one instant many thoughts crossed my mind or better to say many reasons crossed my mind. Reasons for loosing your breathe.
“Sorry, I dialed the wrong no.”, I heard myself saying and was about to put the phone back on the receiver, I heard a laugh.
“No, you dialed the wrong no Honey. I knew you would call” He said.
Hell, No. I died 10 times in one moment. Not because he recognized me but because I gave a wrong impression by calling him now.
I had to do something now so I said “obviously, how dared you to put my no. in my wallet?” and realized how dumb I sounded.
And expected answer I got “so that you could call.” And again he laughed.
I smiled and don’t know why his answer didn’t annoy me, even I liked it. I felt delighted.
We talked for like two hours or more, I don’t know.
We talked about things. We made sense even talked nonsense. Talked about each other’s things and life. I felt really happy. Out link just got clicked.
I didn’t know that time, that where it’ll lead me or better to say Us.
Does it really happen that you find someone strange very own and close??
"What the f***, Its so damn hot here!!!" I was really pissed but yeah not obviously because of the heat out there but because of the real badly written exam for which I traveled complete 5 hours to reach the center on time. It was hot as well so my temper reached its highest levels.
Well, normally I am really a very calm person but this whole thing really made me go out of my control. The bus was stopped at the depot and was about to leave. I eagerly looked out of my window as I was waiting for my uncle who had gone to buy something to drink for us.
"Is any one coming here, I mean on the next seat from yours??" I looked up at the face and turned back. "People always find the way to trouble you when you already in a bad mood". I thought.
"Excuse me, I am asking you." It was him again. I had to look at him.
A really fair tall boy, mush have been 6 ft. or so, was standing there hanging a tiny shoulder bag, drenched all in sweat. I pitied him and cursed myself for being so arrogant. He must also be feeling what I was.
"Yes!! My Maternal uncle is coming on this seat." and I turned again at the window.
"Where the hell Uncle has gone leaving me in trouble. God know!!" I was annoyed.
"But ma'am this seat the three seater, I mean three people can sit here. Is anyone else is also coming??" and he lost my all pity.
"No, No one else" I had given up.
He smiled and sat there, adjusting his bag in as much of the place he could. I looked at him once then turned back again to the window.
"Why you seem so angry? See you got few lines on your forehead." He smiled again.
"None of your business" and I hated him. Yes!! He was elder than me but so what? It doesn't give him any rights to talk to me. Weirdo.
It was the summers after my high school and was all set to get in my college. Today was my 1st entrance exam and I did horribly bad plus the heat and now this nonsense guy had to come to worsen that.
"Dude! Shift a bit" it was my Uncle. I turned my gaze from window to him and stared. He was like only 8 years older than me and really friendly so I could stare.
"Oh!! Finally.. What took you so long Mamu?" I bet he could sense the anger in my calm words with smile.
"I am really very sorry but It was all mess. Couldn't find a store only." He meant it.
"Hii" It was Mr. tall and fair.
"Oh!! Here!! Hi.. " and what the heck. My uncle actually smiled at him. F***. I wished they don't get friendly to turn my journey a disaster.
"Where you Guys going??" I really wondered why the hell he is so curios about knowing that where we people are heading to. Why I even thinking about this guy!! God! Rescue me.
And hell!! It turned out as we all were going to the same place. Oh Crap!!
My Uncle asked me about my exam and about the questions in the paper and as like always no one on the earth would want to talk about their exam if it was horrible.
I told him few questions I dint know the answers of. Someone had to speak so that Guy commented answering those questions "Easy the paper was, Man!! How it went??"
And my hate crossed all limits. Now who the hell is he to comment something about my paper. Okay!! He knows more than me so what!! He would try to prove me dumb now.
I remained quite as it was the best option I thought that time and turned back to window. Now the air was really blowing cool and soothing..
Anyway I tried hard sleeping as those guys turned into chatter boxes. Well, better to say complete chatter boxes!!
I slept for good two hours and woke up to find My uncle sleeping and that guy looking at me plus one another Man staring at us both.
I looked at him. Raised my eyebrows which meant "whats going on??" and he smiled and nodded as "Nothing"..
I turned my face again back towards window and smiled. Why? I don't know. I just did. After that many times I turned back to find him looking at me. I felt like I have grown up now as I really had a strange feeling inside. Still I decided to ignore that. Mean while my Uncle woke up.
"You awake? When did you woke up?" He asked.
"Its been a while Mamu." I replied slowly.
Okay!! So we were about to reach our destination. It was dark out. He offered me his no. but din't ask for mine when mu Uncle got down on one station to get something to eat.
"Hell, why would I? I barely know him." I thought and I denied but politely.
I looked around. Almost everyone was sleeping in the bus.
As soon as my uncle came the bus started moving. "Just few minutes more and we'll be home" he said. He sounded tired.
We both looked at each other at the same time. It was awkward. We were about to reach like in 5 minutes. He was getting down on the next stop of ours.
We moved towards gate. I was behind my Uncle but suddenly I felt a pat on my shoulder. I looked back and it was him.
"You forgot something" and handed over me my small wallet which may have slipped out of my pocket while sleeping.
"Thank You" and I was really thankful.
We got down while he was standing at door waving at us.
Later I came to know his name was Deven and was doing engineering from Chennai. Plus I found out his no. in my wallet.
How does it really matter?? I not gonna call him ever. Huh!!!
